Remind Me Not to Go to this Hospital…

Apparently these were found on real hospital charts:

She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient refused autopsy.

The patient has no previous history of suicides.

Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She is numb from her toes down.

While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The skin was moist and dry.

Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

Skin: somewhat pale but present.

The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

:shock:

8 Comments

Filed under Humour, Internet

8 Responses to Remind Me Not to Go to this Hospital…

  1. Wickedly funny stuff. Thanks for sharing this :-)

  2. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

    I cannot stop laughing.

  3. I thought these were hilarious too. We have a cutting from a newspaper in the house someone about funny insurance claims after RTAs – I’ll have to dig it out and post it. :lol:

  4. Kai

    Those are priceless! LOL

  5. You should have seen my chart when I was in the hospital in 1978. The head nurse was nuttier than a fruitcake. I had constipation for 6 days because of that lady. Can you imagine what happened on day 7?

  6. I’ll try not to, RT :shock:

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